How long has it been? I have missed sharing with you.
Recently I sat wondering about the Parent-Child relationship in respect to temperaments and dispositions.
I discovered that as unique as each child in a home is, he or she takes on a similar temperament or disposition to one or maybe both parents. Also, the parent whom this child emulates and the child in question sometimes seem to never get along. As it was in my case while growing up.
My Father has always been strict and no-nonsense. We occasionally got along because as a little girl I craved the attention of my Father but this did not mean we didn’t butt heads once in a while.
My thoughts on the topic led me to the Fruit of the Spirit. I wondered if this fruit, being apparent in the life of a parent, was purely emulated by the child or whether it was imbibed as a result of relationship or left till the child was old enough to understand.
You might argue that a kind person does not necessarily have to have the Holy Spirit. In this instance, is this part of nature or a learned attitude?
One thing I do know is that parents are the first teachers of their children. Our worldview displayed at home becomes theirs, their first attempt at comprehending the world occurs within the confines of the home environment and our relationship with them. Whether it comes to you naturally or not, you automatically took on the role of coach, model, and tutor when you became a mummy or daddy.
Parents are not perfect people. Therefore, having noticed certain areas of their disposition or temperament that they cringe at during self- appraisals, a good number of parents worry when one or more of their children display this same trait. This is a big fear.
How then is this ameliorated? How do you react to this behaviour when identified in your child? This is the key to either helping your child ‘unlearn’ this trait you’d rather not have. Imagine having to live to see copies of your not so good self even in your grandchildren.
Would you get angry and apply sternness to quickly eradicating this behaviour?
Would you be humble enough to realise that you contributed to the development of the trait one way or the other and help your child learn something new and healthy by changing your ways and laying the right examples? This is a case of ‘ Do as I do, not as I say’. Children already have this settled. They already do.
Does the word of God play any part in helping us learn better approaches to things or the right behaviour.?I found the answer in Hebrews 4:12
I find that when I have noticed certain bursts of impatience in one of my children, I have sometimes reacted with the same impatience in my bid to help her do the opposite. It always backfires. In times when I have calmed down and slowed my speech down, I have been able to get through to her. In the end, we both learn a better way of dealing with such situations. I am also learning to include this as part of my daily confessions.
This whole topic reminds me of Jesus and the Father.
Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. If you had really known me, you would know who my Father is. From now on, you do know him and have seen him!”John 14:6-11
Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied.”
Jesus replied, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and yet you still don’t know who I am? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father! So why are you asking me to show him to you? 10 Don’t you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words I speak are not my own, but my Father who lives in me does his work through me. Just believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. Or at least believe because of the work you have seen me do.
He was trying to explain to his disciples that they did not need to seek the Father outside of him because the Father was stamped on everything Jesus said and did. There’s an adage in the Yoruba Language that is translated as ‘a child becomes like the one who bore him or her’. The process of becoming is sometimes set in motion without any input from either party.
On our journey to successful parenting, transformation should happen along the way, mostly to us. When we allow ourselves to experience this, we leave the best of ourselves to be emulated and carried on by our children.
Lots of Love,